June 08, 2007

Rules for Interviewing

Dear Potential Employers,

Since I am applying for positions within your companies and some of you are actually calling me back I thought I would put together some guidelines on how to make things easier for both of us.

1 - Yes, my name is spelled different, no I don't know why my parents decided to punsh me with the wierd spelling. Commenting on it only makes me hate you even more.

2 - Before dicussing the job any further I have two questions so as not to waste
your or my time. Please don't scoff at those questions. If your company is a two
hour drive for me or our salary requirements differ there is no reason to talk
to you anymore.

3 - When I say I have no problem with travel, I mean it. Asking that same question more than 3 times is a fishing expedition for information you are not allowed to ask or I will answer. No problem what so ever with travel should tell you the answer to the question you are not allowed to ask.

4 - Please read my resume and cover letter before calling me. Asking me stupid
questions that could be answered by simply reading my resume will avoid me thinking you are an ass.

5 - Relating to the above statement, asking me if I have accounting or cost
estimating experience will also make me think you are an ass. What part of
Quality Engineer do you not understand.

6 - Setting me up for an interview that has nothing to do with Quality and not
telling me about it will again piss me off and make me think you are an ass.

7 - Calling me and saying you want to set-up an interview and then never finding the "time" to set said interview up will ... well you know the drill

8 - Having HR tell me one thing about the job and then during the interview you
tell me the opposite about the job pisses me off. Please get together on what the
job entails before calling me for an interview.

9 - I will kiss your ass only so much during an interview, don't try to get any more than I am willing to give.

10 - Please do not use the extra strength Crest White strips before our interview, your shockingly white teeth freak the hell out of me.

11 - Saying I will not relocate means just that. Do not think you can talk me
into it.

12 - Do not spout off your political views during my interview. I am interviewing
for a position with a politican and most likely your views do not mesh with mine.

13 - I can spot a diveristy interview a mile away. Make it as short as possible and stop wasting my time.

Respectfully your potential employee.

Posted by Quality Weenie at June 8, 2007 08:44 AM | TrackBack

LOVE #10!!!! ROFL!

Posted by: pam at June 8, 2007 11:44 AM

Number 10 was really damn funny!

Posted by: Bou at June 10, 2007 09:02 PM

As an interviewer I can honestly say that I'm actually in violation of a couple of these "rules". The problem is that you're not seeing the motive behind why.

#3) I've asked, been answered and when the time came to travel they wouldn't. Asking it multiple times ensures that when they don't travel I can terminate them because it's clear that travel is a requirement.

#4) People lie, we like to see if they even remember what they put on their resume.

#10) Is Listerine Pocket Paks okay? It makes my breath minty fresh.

#13) What's that? (looks around innocently)

Posted by: Contagion at June 12, 2007 06:27 PM